Life reflection - writing portfolio.

Stupid and curious I was. I would wounded about everything and try to get close to the things that interested me. Sometimes I would end up getting in trouble for this natural buzz. Touching other people’s jewellery, playing with odd looking rocks and finds myself gone somewhere, unknown to the dangers that lurked all around me. It’s funny to see myself behaving in a way that you would find so ridicules and stupid… But what do you expect from a 5 year old girl?
What occupied me from this big wide world at the time was a trip down to the kindergarten. There was so much to do and so much fun. A year of keen and willingness to go and play there, not knowing that I was learning so much, so fast.
Then I would go off to primary school. Such a big change to me then as everything was just so boring and hard… Gone from this cosy play house to book work and teaching. What made things worse for me was we had the meanest teacher in school. I have no idea how me and my twin sister got in trouble on our first day, made us sit in our own corners in the class room, what did we do wrong? And yet we still got sent in our own corners, still confused about what we had done. Now, I still don’t know what we did wrong. I believe that this gave me more disciplined and awareness.
I believe that to the differences I had with other kids in class, made it awkward for me to speak and get along. I was comfort in quietness and occupied with all the wonderful thoughts playing around in my head. I would watch other kids play and chat to each other; I didn’t want to join in knowing that I’m not much of an interest to them, and that I was very shy when I was told to get along.
But I knew that I was getting smarter than everyone else. I think I scared the teacher of my hypnotic ways. A game we played was guess the number, I would sit at the back of the class waiting my teacher to write a number down. With my brainiest brain I would watch her hand movement and copy it with my own hands. There I would have the answer. On my first guess I won the game…

It was the second to last year for me at primary school and I still don’t have any friends. But this didn’t bother me as I felt blessed to learn. Learning was still a fun thing to do, I didn’t find it hard to learn at all. But what I really needed was a real friend that I can play with. Admittedly I did try to make friends with girls but that wasn’t my style… I like playing around with the boys because they were more fun and outgoing. It wasn’t until I moved primary schools that I finally made a real friend, a guy friend. That was probably the best and most remember-able primary school year ever.

I then was off to intermediate. My first impression was that this was going to be the hardest years of my life. But I was wrong, instead, it was fun and reasonable teaching. I would learn beyond what’s expected. But my intermediate years also taught me the bad things like steeling and vandalising. I learnt this from friends, a hard lesson I would never teach myself. But it felt so good to do something bad and stupid. I would steel from teacher’s draws these blue cards for points towards our house. I would lie about something I done wrong and claim my innocents. I was just too good at lying due to my good effort in my school work. No one would suspect me of wrong doing. I was smart and sneaky… but I wasn’t so perfect yet. I noticed that school work was slightly harder and my grades were threatening to drop. But I wasn’t going to fail, I knew I wasn’t that person who would give up. So on my last year in intermediate school I studied and learnt and passed with flying colours… but the only reason for this achievement to be real was when I had no friends around me anymore.

It’s time to go off into high school. Yet again my thoughts of this new environment stirred me and focused me into doubt of passing. But I was wrong… again, another year of fun. But I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to make friends in this new school due to the racial differences, I was also disappointed to find that I was learning very little due to distractions of annoying and pestering kids and what really put me down was the teachers judgment and comparison towards me and my twin sister.
I was blessed on the day we had to split classes because of the stupid behaviour my class showed. I made friends in my new class and was finally learning in my new classes.
Through thick and thin, rough and smooth times I had for my first 2 years in high school. I was happy to say I am the luckiest person in the area.
It was only until I was year 11. I hit the hardest, highest brick wall of my life. This brick wall made up of pain, hatred, sadness are revenge. This brick wall stopped me from moving on with my life… pushing me back into a pitiful sadness that seemed like it lasted forever. This brick wall made me realise that I was too stubborn with my happiness that it blinded me of the world’s cruelness.
I was broken by everything. I now never trust my so called ‘friends’, Selfish boyfriends and the blinding cruel vortex of love. My strong bond with my twin sister is destroyed forever, even now I still find it very awkward to even speak to my twin or my little sister. I needed help at the time, needed attention and acknowledgement from someone… But help still didn’t seem enough. With all honesty I still don’t think people realise how much of a risk I was at the time. My silent ways crept into home and my thoughts comfort me through these hard times. It was my mind that help me though this all, but was watching the year go by while I recover my metal state.
A year wasted climbing this brick wall.

I finally got over it. I was stronger than ever. I was alive once more!
I was ready to take on the world and its challenges, I was ready to learn, to play, to have fun with success. Through year 11 to 12 to now I have my ups and downs with my school work but I still managed to succeed my years.
I’m now onto my last year, best to have fun with this year since it will be the last time I shall act like a kid. I feel more independent and strong. I’m always keen for a challenge with the real world, I believe that I can beat the world at its own game with a lions pride. I feel that nothing can put me down… It can always be worse than what it is right?
I can’t wait for the world. Soon I shall start living it my way.