Stupid and curious I was. I would wounded about everything
and try to get close to the things that interested me. Sometimes I would end up
getting in trouble for this natural buzz. Touching other people’s jewellery,
playing with odd looking rocks and finds myself gone somewhere, unknown to the dangers
that lurked all around me. It’s funny to see myself behaving in a way that you
would find so ridicules and stupid… But what do you expect from a 5 year old
girl?
What occupied me from this big wide world at the time was a trip down to the
kindergarten. There was so much to do and so much fun. A year of keen and
willingness to go and play there, not knowing that I was learning so much, so
fast.
Then I would go off to primary school. Such a big change to me then as
everything was just so boring and hard… Gone from this cosy play house to book
work and teaching. What made things worse for me was we had the meanest teacher
in school. I have no idea how me and my twin sister got in trouble on our first
day, made us sit in our own corners in the class room, what did we do wrong?
And yet we still got sent in our own corners, still confused about what we had
done. Now, I still don’t know what we did wrong. I believe that this gave me
more disciplined and awareness.
I believe that to the differences I had with other kids in class, made it
awkward for me to speak and get along. I was comfort in quietness and occupied
with all the wonderful thoughts playing around in my head. I would watch other
kids play and chat to each other; I didn’t want to join in knowing that I’m not
much of an interest to them, and that I was very shy when I was told to get
along.
But I knew that I was getting smarter than everyone else. I think I scared the
teacher of my
hypnotic ways. A game
we played was guess the number, I would sit at the back of the class waiting my
teacher to write a number down. With my brainiest brain I would watch her hand
movement and copy it with my own hands. There I would have the answer. On my
first guess I won the game…
It was the second to last year for me at primary school and
I still don’t have any friends. But this didn’t bother me as I felt blessed to
learn. Learning was still a fun thing to do, I didn’t find it hard to learn at
all. But what I really needed was a real friend that I can play with.
Admittedly I did try to make friends with girls but that wasn’t my style… I
like playing around with the boys because they were more fun and outgoing. It
wasn’t until I moved primary schools that I finally made a real friend, a guy friend. That was probably the best
and most remember-able primary school year ever.
I then was off to intermediate. My first impression was that
this was going to be the hardest years of my life. But I was wrong, instead, it
was fun and reasonable teaching. I would learn beyond what’s expected. But my
intermediate years also taught me the bad things like steeling and vandalising.
I learnt this from friends, a hard lesson I would never teach myself. But it
felt so good to do something bad and stupid. I would steel from teacher’s draws
these blue cards for points towards our house. I would lie about something I
done wrong and claim my innocents. I was just too good at lying due to my good
effort in my school work. No one would suspect me of wrong doing. I was smart
and sneaky… but I wasn’t so perfect yet. I noticed that school work was
slightly harder and my grades were threatening to drop. But I wasn’t going to
fail, I knew I wasn’t that person who would give up. So on my last year in
intermediate school I studied and learnt and passed with flying colours… but
the only reason for this achievement to be real was when I had no friends
around me anymore.
It’s time to go off into high school. Yet again my thoughts
of this new environment stirred me and focused me into doubt of passing. But I
was wrong… again, another year of fun. But I was disappointed that I wasn’t
able to make friends in this new school due to the racial differences, I was
also disappointed to find that I was learning very little due to distractions
of annoying and pestering kids and what really put me down was the teachers
judgment and comparison towards me and my twin sister.
I was blessed on the day we had to split classes because of the stupid
behaviour my class showed. I made friends in my new class and was finally
learning in my new classes.
Through thick and thin, rough and smooth times I had for my first 2 years in
high school. I was happy to say I am the luckiest person in the area.
It was only until I was year 11. I hit the hardest, highest brick wall of my
life. This brick wall made up of pain, hatred, sadness are revenge. This brick
wall stopped me from moving on with my life… pushing me back into a pitiful
sadness that seemed like it lasted forever. This brick wall made me realise
that I was too stubborn with my happiness that it blinded me of the world’s
cruelness.
I was broken by everything. I now never trust my so called ‘friends’, Selfish
boyfriends and the blinding cruel vortex of love. My strong bond with my twin
sister is destroyed forever, even now I still find it very awkward to even
speak to my twin or my little sister. I needed help at the time, needed attention
and acknowledgement from someone… But help still didn’t seem enough. With all honesty
I still don’t think people realise how much of a risk I was at the time. My
silent ways crept into home and my thoughts comfort me through these hard
times. It was my mind that help me though this all, but was watching the year
go by while I recover my metal state.
A year wasted climbing this brick wall.
I finally got over it. I was stronger than ever. I was alive
once more!
I was ready to take on the world and its challenges, I was ready to learn, to
play, to have fun with success. Through year 11 to 12 to now I have my ups and
downs with my school work but I still managed to succeed my years.
I’m now onto my last year, best to have fun with this year since it will be the
last time I shall act like a kid. I feel more independent and strong. I’m
always keen for a challenge with the real world, I believe that I can beat the
world at its own game with a lions pride. I feel that nothing can put me down…
It can always be worse than what it is right?
I can’t wait for the world. Soon I shall start living it my way.